Responses to subjects brought up by this blog are welcome. I can be contacted by e-mailing me from my website.
BAINSTORMING July 10 to July 26, 2016
Subjects in this blog: Alien Infection at 99 cents! Love of my Life, Immigrants, Thanks to my readers.
Alien infection at 99 cents
Right now there is a special promotion for Alien Infection ebook at only 99 cents! This is a bargain you shouldn’t pass up. It’s one of the favorites of the novels I’ve written. How do I know? Because I read and re-read it myself fairly often just for pleasure. The story: There is a lab tech, Michael Brandon, at a hospital who is on the verge of retirement when one night he draws blood from a badly hurt patient in the emergency room. He accidentally sticks himself while drawing the blood but ignores it and doesn’t feel like feeling in a lengthy incident report. The test results from the hematology analyzer returns an impossible result. He can find nothing wrong with the instrument and is in the process of staining a blood slide to see for himself what the heck is going on. Before he finishes, men in black suits swarm the lab, confiscating every tube of blood taken from the patient at gunpoint, then…but I don’t want to spoil the story for you by revealing all the terrible things that happen to Mike and a woman he picks up in Dallas as he is fleeing from his home to avoid being killed or imprisoned by federal agents. The book is worth buying just for the cover, one of the best I’ve seen from any of my publishers. It’s beautiful! Remember, 99 cents for a limited time only. Alien Infection by Darrell Bain at Amazon, B&N, and anywhere fine books are sold. Order it, enjoy it, and keep it on your bookshelf or ebook reader so you can read it again or give to your kids to read if they’re old enough. You be the judge. DB
PS: Other Summer reading recommendations. Great books at a great price! These titles will be available for only 99 cents until August 15th! You can read, and read some more at this price. The titles are:
Bigfoot Crazy (Book Two of the Williard Brothers’ Adventures)
Postwar Dinosaur Blues (Book One of the Williard Brothers’ Adventures)
And of course, Alien Infection.
Love of my life
This Blog appears to me to be great place to continue the saga of my back, with its vertebrae not cooperating with the rest of my body and how Betty is helping me. There are fairly good days (comparatively), and bad days and even worse days. So far I haven’t had to have another injection but that’s mainly because if I do, Betty has to drive me there and back, and it’s location is at the limit of her driving ability these days. There’s no question she’d do it, though. That and any other thing that’s needed to keep me going. With all she’s doing for me, I’m determined to hang on until I have surgery so she won’t have to make that drive and I can resume my usual activities.
And now we’ve arrived at the purpose of this segment of Bainstorming: The love of my life. I had been married and divorced twice by my late thirties and had yet to experience that thing called love that is talked about, bandied around, written about and discussed in every place imaginable, yet for my money no one has yet come up with a real definition of love. Sure, you’ll hear such things as “Love means you care more about the other person’s happiness than your own”, and “Love means you’d die for your spouse if it came to that”, and “Love is the greatest experience in your life” and on and on. All those statements describe some aspect of love, but not enough. The dictionary I use is Webster’s New World Dictionary. It defines love but not in a way I agree with, simply because it doesn’t get deep enough in describing one of the most basic of human emotions. So what is love, and where am I going with this? If I could transfer the love I feel for Betty into words, they’d fill a book so of necessity I’ll have to summarize a bit.
Some years ago in one of my blogs (that wasn’t even called a Blog then) I wrote a short little essay about Lust vs. Love. My blogs are archived on my web site with a search engine since there are so many of them now, over ten years worth. Guess what the most popular search is? You don’t have to guess. I’ve already given it away. It’s Lust vs. Love. I believe it gives a fairly good definition of love, but it doesn’t get into details. That’s what I’m going to try to do today. In fact, just to save anyone who’s interested from searching, I’ll begin this section with that essay.
Love and Marriage
LUST VS LOVE: #How do you know you're in love? Here's my own opinion, and bear in mind this is written from a male viewpoint. I believe all romantic and sexual relationships begin with falling in lust, not falling in love. Lust frequently gets mistaken for love at first, and if it lasts a while, also frequently leads to marriage. If it isn't true love, there's going to be some rocks and shoals ahead, perhaps divorce, perhaps divorce with bad feelings on both sides.
Lust will almost always fade, and settle into attraction. From there it can go two ways. It can continue to fade until there's not much attraction, particularly sexual attraction, and thus not much basis for a continuing relationship. Ah, but if lust turns to love, it will still fade, but then reach a plateau. From there, if it's really true love, the attraction will start building again and feelings for the other person deepen. Over time, the sexual attraction and sex itself gets better and better, though it's unlikely to ever reach the lust stage again where you both decided you must have invented sex. However, the sex gets better because you discover that you really care so deeply for the other person and sex is one of the ways to express it. You want to make the other person happy, and you're happy yourself. You get to the point where it's hard to imagine life without your partner. Your love becomes so great that you wonder sometimes how you ever lived without the other person. Their happiness, and the contentment of living together becomes the primary focus of your life. In other words, you're in love and if you're in love, it only gets better with time. You don't mind the little idiosyncrasies of the other person. You love the closeness and you never lose the urge for sex with your partner. Love is funny. Looks may fade with the years, but the attraction only grows. Your partner's desires and wishes in life become as important as your own, if not more so. You want to share all the triumphs and good things that happen in life with him or her. You're always ready to commiserate and comfort when things don't go exactly right. Being in love is really wonderful, and gets even more wonderful as you age. It took me a couple of bad marriages to realize all this. I mistook lust for love. I hope none of you readers ever do that, and I hope your current love life goes as well as mine has these last 28 years since I first saw Betty across the bed of a patient I was drawling blood from, then contrived to meet her by putting a mistletoe sprig up in the lab and calling her to come see a mistake she had made (but really hadn‘t). It worked, although she told me later that if she hadn’t been so surprised she might have given the kiss more of her attention.
Now, looking back over this little essay I can see that I covered more of the meaning of love than I remembered. There’s still more, though. For instance, when one gets ill the other takes care of him or her, doing their own work and the other’s too, plus however much medical care is needed. I did overlook that in the essay but I’m correcting it now. On a number of occasions Betty has been ill or had surgery and I’ve taken up her chores around the house, such as cooking, washing clothes, washing dishes, taking care of the pups, changing the bed covers, assisting her in walking if and when she needed it and so on. I’ve also been ill and Betty has taken over my duties, such as getting the mail (mailbox a quarter mile from our home), running all my errands, such as going to the bank for some cash money, mailing packages, taking our trash to the compactor, getting gas for the car and truck, shopping for groceries in town for items that we either didn’t get or ran out of or couldn’t find on our weekly trip to Walmart and other items needed at the local market), feeding the dogs, going to Walmart if I’m not able to by the time we normally shop there, filling prescriptions and some chores I’m sure I’ve forgotten, and in the case where I’m disabled for a lengthy time like now with my back, watching me like a hawk to see that I don’t lift anything over ten pounds, don’t sit at the computer more than 15 minutes at a time and in general wrapping me in cotton, so to speak, where I’m not allowed to do anything other than putting up the dishes from the dishwasher, washing dishes, feeding the dogs in the morning, and when I’m feeling better than usual going for the mail. I’m allowed to help fold and/or hang up clothes but not carry the laundry baskets, and that’s about it. This has been going on since the first week of May and my surgery is not going to be until September unless I’m very lucky. Betty has never complained a single time, other than to chastise me for doing something I shouldn’t have.
Love is companionship. Love is doing little things like laying a card on the bed pillow telling how much you love the other person, giving flowers for no reason at all but because you’re thinking of them, never forgetting a birthday or valentine’s day or other occasions like your anniversary (some might say I cheated a little here by suggesting New Year’s Eve for a wedding date), but honestly, it was a sentimental choice. Exactly one year after our first real date, we were married.
Love is hugging and kissing for no particular reason other than to help express that love.
Love is not worrying about how old or young the other person is. Occasionally I’ll get a kind of untoward glance when someone finds out that Betty is more than eight years older, but it’s never bothered me or Betty other than being a little sensitive about the age difference for a while. We’ll be celebrating our 39th anniversary at the end of this year and she looks better than me. Even if she didn’t it wouldn’t make a difference. There are soo many other reasons to love her that it rarely enters my mind and never as a comparison.
Some mornings when I get up I’ll stand at the foot of the bed looking at my sleeping wife and think how lucky I am that she decided to marry me. I’ll sometimes shed a tear or two while watching her sleep. I’ll feel a tightness in my throat and think my neart might break if anything happened to her.
We begin each day and end each evening with a long romantic kiss, just to tell each other we’re still deeply in love. It feels so good holding her and feeling her body against mine that I wonder how it can be possible to still be that way after almost forty years.
Love means not worrying over physical differences as you age. They don’t mean a thing if you’re still in love. And while your sexual contacts may dwindle somewhat as you age and are frequently ill or hurting somewhere too much to do anything, it never stops because the physical enjoyment of love is as important as the mental.
Love is all those things and more. It’s holding hands as you walk to the garden or from the car to somewhere near the parking lot. I kind of laugh sometimes when I see other old couples looking at us kind of oddly as we saunter (or limp sometimes) to wherever we’re going, hand in hand.
I could go on and on but I think I’ve put across the idea by now. Love is grand and it gets better and better as you age. We were talking the other day and remarked on how sorry we felt for anyone who has to grow old by themselves or for couples who may as well be strangers for all they care about each other any more. We’re rich and they’re poor, no matter how small our savings or income is or how large theirs are. We’re rich because we’re still in love after all these years.
We’re in our seventies and eighties now and I still get a shivers up and down my back when Betty comes into the office and puts her hands on my shoulders.
Enough. Anyone who reads this will know by now whether they’re in love or just going through the motions.
Comments on this or any other segment of Bainstorming may be made through my web site, www.darrellbain.com.
Be in love. Be happy, don’t worry.
Every one should read Theodore Roosevelt’s view of immigrants following my own comments. I believe it represents the majority view of American citizens. Unfortunately, our politicians don’t have a clue. Allowing illegal aliens (or undocumented immigrants if you want to be politically correct. I don’t. I’m sick to death of Political Correctness) to live and work in the country and have the benefits of regular citizens is wrong. Not only do they get driver’s licenses, free medical care by flocking to our emergency rooms, overcrowding our schools with a free education--and not only overcrowding but requiring schools to hire second language instructors for the immigrants who haven’t bothered to learn English and in general contributing to the ghettoization of our country that will eventually lead to Balkanization (if you don’t know the meaning of this word, look it up) and eventual breaking up of our nation. Now read what Roosevelt had to say way back in the early 1900s:
We should insist that if the immigrant who comes here does in good faith become anAmerican and assimilates himself to us he shall be treated on an exact equality with every one else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed or birth-place or origin.
But this is predicated upon the man’s becoming in very fact an American and nothing but an American. If he tries to keep segregated with men of his own origin and separated from the rest of America, then he isn’t doing his part as an American. There can be no divided allegiance here. . . We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language, for we intend to see that the crucible turns our people out as Americans, of American nationality, and not as dwellers in a polyglot boarding-house; and we have room for but one soul loyalty, and that is loyalty to the American people.